Wednesday, January 5, 2011

The Haiku Break-Up

The Haiku Break-Up
an obnoxious break-up in the form of ridiculous and silly haikus.
by jake kilroy.

"You and me are through!
You're the shittiest boyfriend.
I want you to leave."

"But I don't wanna.
Who the hell will make me food?
Shit, I'll starve to death!"

"That's not my problem.
Besides, you only eat drugs.
I bet you're high now."

"So, what if I am?
My hands glow in the dark, bitch!
I don't need your tits!"

"Do you hear yourself?
This is why we're breaking up!
You're insane on drugs!"

"Me no way insane.
You, bad girlfriend, make me go.
Me best guy ever."

"Oh my god, shut up.
You can barely dress yourself.
Please just leave, ok?"

"But me live here, yes?
I give you hot massage, yes?
You no mad now, yes?"

"Why are you still here?
Stop talking like a caveman!
You're such a stoner!"

"I talk like cat now.
Hey, I can has cheeseburger?
Scratch my belly please?"

"Get out, you weirdo!
I never want to see you.
Don't call me again."

"Me understand you.
But, first, me steal things from you,
like big fish tank here."

"Don't touch the fish tank!
You can't pick it up, asshole!
Just get the fuck out!"

"Me has idea.
You love fish, so I am fish.
We are ok now?"


Eyvette said...

You were high when you wrote this, weren't you?

Jake Kilroy said...

You can't prove that.