Monday, January 7, 2013

Fashion Pit: Volume II

It may not surprise you even a little bit that the man in this photo isn't the most fashionable person around:
However, it may truly surprise you that he has extraordinarily fashionable friends. Once again, enter Sara. You may know her from the Glitter + Grace blog or remember her from the first installment of Fashion Pit. Now, while Glitter + Grace is like that sweet-natured popular girl in high school movies with all the right clothes and The Cobblestone Address is like the mouthy drunk burnout doing doughnuts in the school parking lot, they're somehow able to meet in the cafeteria of the blogosphere and have a conversation.

And the conversation goes like this: Jake gives Sara an outfit theme, Sara dresses according to her own interpretations, Jake goes to bed feeling accomplished, Sara goes to bed feeling charitable, and then everyone does jump high-fives in dreamworld.

Anyway, here's more mumbo-jumbo from me and fashiony fashion from Sara. Woo!
Romantic Cabin Getaway
Sara: I wanted to look and feel cozy in this outfit, since I pictured being snuggled up by a fire with this theme. I had just gotten these new floral nail polish stickers, which I also felt conveyed "romantic." Add a floral scarf and boom - double romantic.
Jake: When the city becomes too much, as it always does, there's the turn of a key and the burn of some rubber, and suddenly, before your weary eyes, there's the highway. America spits out the asphalt like an endless trail for the manic, and then, like the waves of the ocean, mountain roads rise and crash, curving around the great still rocks of the earth. Finally, after enough soulful laughs and shared childhood stories, there's a cabin. There, within dark wooden fortress walls, coffee has never tasted better, blankets have never felt softer, and VHS movies have never seemed more reasonable after the millennium. The fireplace never shuts up, the sky refuses to end, and the bed swallows both romantics whole. You giggle until you're sick and worship mornings for a new view after you've done all you can handle at night. Plus, there's often puzzles.
Safari Love
Sara: Animal print is by far the easiest thing for me to come by in my closet. I had three items come to mind immediately when Jake gave me this theme, but then he threw the word "tan" or "khaki" somewhere in his description, so I quickly narrowed it down to this neutral color palette.
Jake: Between roars and growls, there remain the most penetrating colors for the eyes to behold while the ears take in the wind and the beasts. Above, there's a blue as soul-piercing as a cavern lake. Before, there's a gold as dazzling as a museum statue. Around, there's a green unseen since childhood books. Inside, though, there's a red as beautiful and immaculate as velvet. The red beats and swells and rolls and dances and waves until its exhausted from the nostalgia, the desire, the very impossibility of it all, and the world opens up on the great plains.
Pop Art Gallery Opening
Sara: High bun, (faux) leather skirt, blazer, funky tights, and a pop art-ish necklace were what I threw together for this one. I had high hopes of looking incredibly edgy and sophisticated, with a dash of arrogance.
Jake: You haven't always understood art, but you've always been relatively sure of what you've liked. So a gallery opening that celebrates the dots of old comic book artists and the ransom-like cutouts of black and white magazines has beckoned you like a dinner party of prophets and magicians. You've stumbled into the promised land of pop culture and everyday life interpretted by thin-mustached and tremendously bearded artists. Paintings show women in robes holding coffee and sketches give you a cigarette pack with lethargy. You've forgotten the French names you learned in college, as you catch the woman with folded hands and eyes like temple caves. She's in charge, and she can give you the backstage that's only found when it's passed mouth to mouth. She's spent years turning down artists, she's lived lifetimes before you even considered setting foot in her joint, and she'll go home last, but she won't ever be least.
Winter Wonderland Apocalypse
Sara: I thought to dress in grays, whites and blacks in order to blend in with what I can only imagine would be a barren, ashy and desolate landscape. The shoulders of my sweater have black gems on them, which, in my mind, emulated armor and would help keep me safe in the post-apocalyptic days. It also gave me an excuse to wear my favorite winter coat that hardly makes it out of my closet (thanks, Jake!).
Jake: Winters can always feel like the end of the world, but they don't have to be nuclear. Maybe Christmas made your heart grew three sizes one day. Maybe you didn't know you had a peanut allergy and ate all that peanut brittle. Maybe the Christmas tree gave you everything you ever wanted and there was no point in going on. Still, there's that slight chance that the apocalypse came and went and the only thing that stayed was winter. Who said a new ice age would be bad? That's a lifetime of sledding and building snowmen and calling out for work. Just watch out for them black ice road warriors.
CEO's Wife at Happy Hour Trying to Downplay the Extraordinary Wealth
Sara: Oh man, I loved getting this one. I love the theme way more than I love my outfit. I suppose I tried to look like I was wearing somewhat designer pieces (Chanel-eque necklace, suede boots, and a fancier top) and then dressed it down with jeans. (As opposed to metallic snakeskin leggings?!? I'm not exactly sure what would have made me look loaded as opposed to downplayed). I tried though.
Jake: It's the look that would cost you something fierce, and it's the woman who could ruin you in the least poetic way your wasteland brain's ever imagined. You've put off oil changes and thinned out birthday gifts, all because you couldn't swing a raise in the slow-day wreckage of the cubicle farm. Money's tight, and your wallet's been tighter, and now here, in the unbearable light of some joke of a restaurant, the man who's closest to owning you struts up with the glorious woman he's seen every angle of, all while you put in the hours after sundown. And you can feel it in the tiny sharp fibers of your bones that she knows they're too well off to be in a place that serves mozzarella sticks. You can tell she left her best clothes in the walk-in closet that you'd take over your own studio apartment as an accommodating place to live. But you don't say anything. You not only can't believe the clothes, but, more importantly, you can't stop the stare. And that's when your stupid beer comes.

Well, there you have it, the combination of style and steez, wrapped up in five outfits/outpourings. Til next time. Woo!


Sara B said...

Another job well done sir. Jump high-fives in dreamland all around.

Jake Kilroy said...

We done work, and you did supremely well with the nonsense. Thumbs up, high-fives, good show. We're pioneering a whole new field here.