Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Give Me Something That Says...

Take a look at this jacket.

Ignore the hoodie underneath. It's that dirty golden beast I'm telling you about. It's an unremarkable piece of clothing, except that I don't buy clothes all that often. So it's easy for friends to notice new threads. One day, soon after I purchased said jacket, Rex, Scott and I were cruising around Orange, and Rex noticed the jacket in my backseat. He asked about it. I told him I went into the store and said, "Give me something that says...it's back to school night in Anaheim Hills." Rex and Scott then followed up with their own "Give me something that says" lines about the jacket (which looks significantly less twenty-something attire without a hoodie). The one-liners continued the rest of the day, and then we moved it to Facebook.

Anyway, I was going through some old jokey threads on Facebook and found one of me, Rex and Scott talking about the jacket, and it made me laugh. We never really discussed the dopey, but somewhat manly, suburban husband-father character we are all describing in said jacket. But it's like a guy who's stuck between North County and South County and keeps trying to impress people but doesn't really get it. He goes into the store, tries to explain to the clerk what kind of a jacket he's looking for, and she doesn't understand. Finally, he puts his fingers thoughtfully to his lips and figures out exactly how to describe the jacket he wants.

Jake: "Give me something that says...Orange County Wine Tour."

Rex: "Give me something that says...I like to feed my dog a healthy mix of wet and dry foods."

Scott: "Give me something that says...I own stock in the Sharper Image."

Jake: "Give me something that says...I attend BBQs to passive-aggressively tell the host how to barbecue."

Rex: "Give me something that says...I don't play golf to get away from my family. I play golf because I enjoy it."

Jake: "Give me something that says...I defend Michael Bay movies at dinner parties."

Rex: "Give me something that says...It's pretty obvious that breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

Scott: "Give me something that says...I get a 15% discount at Coco's on a regular basis."

Rex: "Give me something that says...My Ford Taurus is cool, but I'd certainly rather drive a convertible Miata."

Jake: "Give me something that says...Attending a boat show is on my bucket list."

Rex: "Give me something that says...I'm really looking forward to tennis sweater weather."

Scott: "Give me something that says...My Ford Taurus has personal seat warmers."

Rex: "Give me something that says...This looks perfect with my khaki shorts."

Jake: "Give me something that says...Friday night with the family at Claimjumper."

Rex: "Give me something that says...Hey guys, this is my new, attractive, and significantly younger girlfriend."

Jake: "Give me something that says...The wife finally let me out for a poker game with the guys."

Rex: "Give me something that says...I encourage carpooling."

Jake: "Give me something that says...Middle management is the place to be."

Rex: "Give me something that says...I'll just have a club soda."

Jake: "Give me something that says...I'm a meat and potato guy, but I really, really like salad."

Rex: "Give me something that says...They just don't make snow shoes like they used to."

Jake: "Give me something that says...I like to talk about the wild car I owned in my twenties more than the fiscally responsible car I own now."

Rex: "Give me something that says...Yes, actually, I do have life insurance."

Jake: "Give me something that says...Yeah, I've seen a TED Talk or two."

Rex: "Give me something that says...The Charleston is my go to dance move."

Jake: "Give me something that says...I own hiking boots, but I don't know any good trails."

And there you have it, for whatever reason.

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