Saturday, January 3, 2015

"the thanksgiving cheer"

"the thanksgiving cheer"
done in true form by jake kilroy.

there was one thanksgiving
when my family mocked my satchel briefcase,
the one you liked,
the one you said made me who i should be.
it was the year they stopped asking about you.
it was the year you disappeared for good.
it was the thanksgiving i didn't wonder.
it was the holiday i was thankful for.
my family asked about the women at my job
and i found myself talking about my job instead.
it didn't make me wonder.
it made me sick.
it made me worry that i wasn't getting laid enough.
it made me wonder what the women thought about.
and then i suppose it simply made me wonder.
but it wasn't about you.
it was the holiday i came home and read frank o'hara poems
to myself.
it was the holiday i cleaned my bookshelves
and left hot sauce packets on my desk.
it was the holiday i recited ayn rand quotes while showering,
masturbating to the thought of you
before someone else.
and it wasn't sexual.
it was mechanical.
it was the mechanics of forgetting.
it was the mechanics of destroying.
it was the mechanics of mechanics.
i smirked when the steam cleared
and went to my room,
drinking water instead of wine,
thinking of you,
and not wondering a single thing.

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